As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
