I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
