stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
