i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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