Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
