its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
