I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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