If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
