I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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