you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
