So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
