I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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