"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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