I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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