why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
