You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
