kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I enjoy the company of your penis
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
