Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
