My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize