we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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