My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
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We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
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He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
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