just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
