I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
