I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
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I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
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We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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