Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
