Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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