So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
