At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
