I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
