You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
