I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
foreskin is a definite game changer
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
