i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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