oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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