Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
