Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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