Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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