Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
