bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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