You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
