Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
