vagina is talking i cant
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
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It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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