they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Randomize
