i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
