It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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