Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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