oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
