I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
