thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
