she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
