You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
