Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
