How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
