saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
