And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
