Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
