Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
