Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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