I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
two words...techno handjob
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
