I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
