you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
