I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Randomize
