I think im going to throw up on grandma
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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