im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
