Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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