fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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