I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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