There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
