If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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