I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
