After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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