haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
