I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I AM VODKA MAN
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
