There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
