i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
