Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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