my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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