On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
