I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
