She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
