I want to have your abortion
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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